Voting

I really enjoy voting. Sort of. Not really. I mean, you go down there to vote for president, and then they give you three hundred extra things to vote on. They tell you something like, “Leilani G. Anderson is running for superintendent. What do you think of that?” Uh. Am I supposed to think something of it? Believe it or not, I don’t have any particularly strong opinion on Leilani G. Anderson and her bid to become superintendent. So, you know. I’ll stay out of this one. Just tell Leilani G. Anderson that I said hi. “And what about Proposition 28?” What about it? “Read it. It says, ‘Shall the state constitution not be unamended to disallow the reverse prohibition of Chipotle non consumption?'” OK. That’s very interesting. Is Proposition 28 asking me if we should make burritos illegal? I’m pretty sure I’m pro-burrito. Put me down for the combination plate.

When I go through a ballot, I feel like the most ignorant person in California. I recognize four names total, and most of the propositions seem like they have something to do with Mexican food. I feel like handing the ballot back to the person working there, and saying, “Um. I think you gave me the wrong papers. This ballot is for people who spend ten hours a day reading books, and memorizing the Constitution, and playing bocce ball with Leilani G. Anderson. That’s not me. I need the ballot for people who spend ten hours a day watching popcorn pop in the microwave. Or better yet, just give me a coloring book and some apple juice.”

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