Election Day / The News

(Guest Post by Larry Kennifer)

On Election Day, I don’t watch the news On that day, the news is just hours and hours of people saying absolutely nothing at all. As in, “OK. Here’s more coverage of the Presidential Election. We’ve taken a good, close look at the preliminary numbers, and based on what we’ve looked at, it looks like Obama may or may not win New Hampshire, or maybe he will, or he possibly won’t, or he could, or could not, or maybe so, or knick knack, paddywack, give a dog a bone. Now, here’s the main thing you need to keep in mind when it comes to New Hampshire. If Obama wins New Hampshire, it’ll be good for Obama. But if Romney wins New Hampshire, it’ll be be good for Romney.” Really? Interesting. How about instead of saying all of that, you just shut your fucking mouth for five hours, and then you open it when you find out who actually won the fucking election?

I don’t watch the news on Election Day, or on any other day for that matter. If you want to be educated, don’t bother with the news. The news is something that takes you from 100% ignorant to 99% ignorant, and then stops there. It doesn’t matter how much news you watch. Your level of ignorance on a topic still won’t go below 99%. The news is carefully designed to give you the other 1%, and only the other 1%. You watch 100 hours of the news, and get that 1%. Then you start reading a Wikipedia article, and after 20 seconds, you learn a hundred things that the news told you nothing about. And you think, “OK. Now I actually have some idea of what’s going on. I learned it by reading eight sentences on Wikipedia, instead of listening to a hundred hours of Sean fucking Hannity.”


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